Let’s keep things in perspective -------------------
At a conference, Albert Einstein is asked:
"What is the difference between time and eternity?
— My dear sir, it would take all my time to explain it to you, and an eternity for you to understand it."
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These words are attributed to the most famous physicist of the 20th century: "Ever since mathematicians took over the theory of relativity, I no longer understand it myself."
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He is also said to have remarked: "When I was young, I discovered that my big toe would always end up making a hole in my sock. So I stopped wearing socks. I have done rather well, considering that I triumphantly survived Nazism and two wives…"
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According to one mathematician, only a physicist could put it like this: "When mathematical laws apply to reality, they are not exact; and when they are exact, they do not apply to reality."
The mathematician will lament, with profound bitterness, that even the most abstract theory is now in danger of being applied.
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Back to Einstein. This quotation never grows old: "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. But as far as the universe is concerned, I am not yet absolutely certain."
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Finally, here is an abridged version of a supposed exchange between Albert Einstein and Charlie Chaplin. "What I admire most about your art, said the physicist, is its universality. You do not utter a word, yet the whole world understands you.
— *That is true, but your fame is greater still: the world admires you even though no one understands you."
A physicist, an engineer and… ------------------------------------
An engineer and a physicist take a long balloon trip and end up completely lost. They descend to about fifteen meters above the ground and spot someone. They shout: "Where are we?" After several minutes of deep thought, the person replies: "In a balloon!"
The engineer then turns to the physicist: "That answer must have come from a mathematician.
— But… how can you tell?
— His answer gives him away: it is perfectly accurate, yet completely useless."
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During a pre-employment test in the aerospace industry, three candidates are asked for the sum of 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 +… The mathematician answers instantly: "The series sums to 1." The physicist raises a hand: "The sum is 0.999999999." The statistician looks at the recruiter: "What would you like it to be?"
At the science bar…
The engineer thinks his equations approximate reality. The physicist thinks reality approximates his equations. The mathematician does not care. The chemist does not understand the issue.
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A mathematician believes nothing without proof. A physicist believes anything that has not been disproved.
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The Russian physicist Lev Davidovich Landau (1908–1968) criticized a young colleague who claimed that he had independently discovered a brilliant new theory several years earlier, although he had never published it.
"If I were you, I would not repeat that claim. There is nothing reprehensible about failing to find a solution to a particular problem. But if someone finds it and does not publish it, that shows poor judgment and an inability to understand what matters in contemporary physics."
References:
• Blagues mathématiques. Bruno Winckler, Ellipses, 2011.
• Les sautes d’humour d’Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein and Alice Calaprice, Payot, 2016.
• “Humour mathématique” special feature. Tangente 129, 2009.